Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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