i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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