just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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