I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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