I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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