You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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