There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize