Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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