So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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