Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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