Dual....:-)
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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