He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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