Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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