Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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