look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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