Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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