Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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