He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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