Ambien. No doubt about it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
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Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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