How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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