I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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