Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize