Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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