dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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