i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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