After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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