You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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