I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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