3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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