New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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