I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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