his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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