It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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