That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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