He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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