Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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