I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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