I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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