We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize