we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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