Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize