Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone shit on the floor
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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