You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
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there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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