i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize