Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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