Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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