So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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