Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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