you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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