I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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